I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
