Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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