Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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