I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
