you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
