so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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