My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
