At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
