OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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