I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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