I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
