We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
