Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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