i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
