and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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