He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
