I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
