I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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