i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize