If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
