Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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