My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
