break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
