It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
