they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
