Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
