booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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