explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
