matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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