I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
