Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
