she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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