you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just saw a hot homeless man
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ugly people sure do ruin things
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
