Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
