$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
