We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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