I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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