i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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