I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
