Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im holly from the hills drunk
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
did i walk over a car last night?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
