I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
