Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
