Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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