you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
