2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
