he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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