Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
