He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
