I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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