there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
