She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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