he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
tell me about the fingering
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